Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
