I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
