I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
