I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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