I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
