If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
