we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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