I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
