Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
