She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
