He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize