We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All the doctor said was why
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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