Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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