im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
