The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
