Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
