Banned from zoo.
Again?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
