whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
