Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
