haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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