My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
