And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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