ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
