There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
