The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
