What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
