i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
