guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
