The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize