How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
