when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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