Christians are straight up FREAKS
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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