Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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