She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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