Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
