I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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