I wish life had little blips of pornography
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
