Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
