He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
God, I missed his penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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