Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
