someone owes me an orgasm
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
