What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
