I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
