My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize