Is it because I queefed?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
