he shaved USA in his pubs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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