HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
