Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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