You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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