Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
