So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
