Soap is not a condiment
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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