Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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