'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
