I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
