no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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