bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
