I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Im part way to drunk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
