I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
