she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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