Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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