So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
