Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
