the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
