You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
