he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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