Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
