She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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