wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
