how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
