I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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