I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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