Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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