$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize