I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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