get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My cat gives me a boner
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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