Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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