So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
