The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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