nut hugger
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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