Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
