Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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