Nicole vs. Life
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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