I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
