a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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