how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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