Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
