My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
