I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
