I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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