Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize