Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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