it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
