put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
