Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
