This girl is more easily done than said...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
