you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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