I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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