I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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