woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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