i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Mom said you looked used
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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