Yo dont text me then not text me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
