Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
