No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
