We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
