What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
