All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
