Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
