Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
