Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
